Going home. 

I had the privilege of singing at a memorial service last weekend for a friend whose sister has recently gone home to Jesus. A battle with cancer that ended with an amazing worship service rejoicing in her home going. It was truly beautiful; lifting up songs of praise and thankfulness that she was and is His and is in glory now. One of the songs was Going Home, a beautifully written song by Sara Groves that describes the wonderings and anticipation of what it will be like, to be in Heaven. This part of this song sticks out,

" I'm confined by my senses, to really know what you are like. You are more than I can fathom, more than I guess, more than I   can see with human sight....but I have felt you in my spirit, I have felt you fill this room...and this is just an invitation, just a sample of the whole....and I cannot wait to be going home." 

How amazing it is that even though I can't grasp the reality of what it will truly be like to be home with Him forever, God has allowed me to know Him and His presence through the Holy Spirit while I'm still here and living this life, this sample of things to come. I'm so thankful that in the confines of this life there is so much to see, even if its limited sight right now. 

Thanksgiving took us home to my parents' house this year, and the pictures below are bits of my home from the past and the little ones that make up my home in the now.

 This chair. I used to love sitting in this chair at our old house. It was squeezed between the fridge and the cupboard and as a kid I  remember sitting there to hide, sitting there for punishment, sitting just to think. I perched on top of this chair a couple of weeks ago which now sits in my parents' laundry room, and peered out the window watching Logan and Alice run around in the backyard jungle that is my parents' backyard. It felt so good to just sit there, in this quiet moment, on this solid simple piece of childhood. Watching them play and laugh brought me so much joy. In that moment I got to experience a bit of the sample of the whole, the joy that will be when I finally really do go Home and we can all run around and play in our Father's yard.

My mother, the collector of all things. She has the ability to turn something ordinary into a work of art. These jars hold all kinds of odds and ends are so.....her. They looked so beautiful on the windowsill.

There is so much to see in my parents' yard. From the water fountains to the gardens and endless types of plants, Alice was beside herself:) 

Of course she had to touch it all:)

Oh the exploring that was done on the four wheeler that carried this one all around the jungle terrain.

 We walked around and peered at all the beauty crafted by Him and nurtured and cared for by none other than the amazing Grammie Alice, whose thumbs are as green as they come.

This is home. Its easy to look at pictures of nature and my kids and think about how wonderful and beautiful they are, I just want to recognize it more in the moment; to enjoy all the parts of this home He's given us and the people in it.

a life update.

So....its been awhile. A long while. Too long. I began writing this blog in hopes that it would inspire me to document our everyday lives and help to capture its memories....well our 'everyday' has gotten in the way and despite the best of intentions things have not been written and a bit of regret has settled in. Well here's another attempt-not saying it will be as regular as I'd like but I'm trying.....

So much that is both big and small has happened since I last sat down to type, everything from the milestones of our littlest to the beginnings of a new job for the husband. Even as I write 'new job' I still find myself marveling-what an answer to prayer. To list more of the few....Alice is walking..er-running now:) She has quite come into her own as of late, my latest theory being that she is so loud and boisterous because she has a lot to compete with her equally loud and boisterous brother...I can't believe she is already 15 months old. Every mother makes the same statement but its so true....its just goes by too fast. Even on the days (like today, mind you) when I look around and think, can I just get through this?? This is so hard, these little ones You've given me! But Alice...she is teaching me so much. I love love love her. Here's a recent pic of our Ali Bean:

Logan. Oh precious Logan. He turned 3 and....do I even need to continue? 3 has been....interesting. okay, a challenge in the strongest sense of the word. His tiny frame is quite made up for in his big personality. I have never come across one so little with such depth of emotion-read dramatic:) He is incredibly sweet and loves to hug and kiss everyone, which will not be cute forever, and yet his strong will and stubborness can make for one long day and make it hard to remember the sweetness. His favorite phrases are holy cow! and holy moly! which he likes to yell frequently and mostly out of context. Still loves to count and finds numbers everywhere...His smile is infectious and I know all these 'teachable moments' we've been having lately will come back around. Hopefully.

The biggest answer to prayer by far and biggest change in our lives since the last post is most assuredly Kurt's new job. New job!! Since our move to SC in 2010 Kurt has been looking. Interviewing and looking and praying and hoping for something new. More than one door closed and opportunities we thought were going to happen didn't. But God knew; knows what Kurt needs and has seen fit to open a door recently with Coke Consolidated, and subsidiary of Coca Cola-it is another sales job but it came at a great time and Kurt seems more contented in this job than in any past...we are so thankful.

More to come in the days ahead...or at least in the weeks ahead:)

Thankful for family.

Oh mother.....my wonderful mother. She came and stayed and left today...Logan was sad to see her go, as were we. Man does Logan love her.

Ali is pretty fond of her as well, and I think its safe to say Grammie Alice adores her little namesake grandbaby.

She jumped right in and started helping(did I say helping? Read- doing with me watching:) completing projects around the house; a reupholstered rocking chair, a valance for the bathroom window, a new bedskirt.....anyone that knows her knows of her many talents, one of which is sewing. She has a knack for being able to figure out just about anything it seems.

On top of said sewing projects, this Grandma played with the little ones, read stories, gave piggyback rides down stairs, gave baths, took them to the park, just loved and loved on them. And they loved it:)

She has more energy than most, and our little family is more than blessed when she's around. Grandaddy showed up for some love as well.

Had to put this in for the hair...

I cried when they left. I always do. Its not that we don't get to see them often because thankfully we do, but for some reason coming into the emptier house once they've gone is always hard and makes for a weird day. Finding out that Kurt didn't get a job he so wanted yesterday was devastating and I'm grateful that God had my parents here to help us deal with the wealth of emotions we're feeling right now as we look up and say, Ok, God, what? There's a lesson to be learned in this, we know, a protection from something, a blessing really, from Him.... keeping us from something that's not His best for us.

But its hard. Hard to watch my husband rejected yet again for something beyond his control. This has happened to us more than a few times in the last few years and I've watched him run out of steam.... Hard not to become bitter and to dwell on things in anger. But His plan is always better than ours. It really all comes down to choices. Choosing to believe the Word that tells us our times are in His hands, choosing to walk in joy, trusting God for His promises. Choosing to move on and do what we can with what we been given. So thankful for His gifts-here are more pictures of two He's given us:)

Can't turn left.

I can't turn left!

One of the famous lines from Zoolander, arguably one of the absolute dumbest movies ever, but also one of Kurt's favorite slap stick comedies(its right up there with Dumb and Dumber and Billy Madison). Anyone that knows Kurt knows its more fun to watch Kurt laugh at these movies than to watch the movies themselves. His brain is also able to hold eons of useless pop culture information(is this just a guy thing I wonder?) and in one of the millions of files there's a tab for dumb movie quotes.....including "I'm not an ambi-turner. Its a problem I've had since I was a baby, I can't turn left."

Well me either Derek. At least not this week. I did something to my neck earlier in the week and for days I've been stiff necked and unable to turn my head to the left. Its been awesome trying to drive or sleep:) I'm sure it will go away eventually and a trip to the chiro has already helped some. But it brought to mind a great passage I have long ago highlighted in my bible and have recently needed to be reminded of.

Proverbs 4:

25 Let your eyes look directly forward,
and your gaze be straight before you.
²⁶ Ponder the path of your feet;
then all your ways will be sure.
²⁷ Do not swerve to the right or to the left;

turn your foot away from evil.

I'm prone to swerving(insert bad driving joke here); and the tendency to be impulsive is something I've long struggled with. I don't stop near often enough and 'ponder the path of my feet' before heading in the direction of my choosing. My stiff neck has caused me to slow down this week and be more cautious about my direction, knowing turning too fast will cause further pain.

Praise the Lord for insurance and chiropractors. And above all His word, life and truth. Hoping to grab on to its truth today.

wheels, sheep and snack time.

Feeling blue today.

Lately I have felt out of place and scatterbrained,struggling to not make emotional decisions and to be patient and to be content. These are things I always fight against but today its just been one of those days.

I'm determining to care less about just 'getting things done' around the house and trying to let go of some of my Monica-like tendencies(Gellar, not Lewinski) and enjoy my little ones more, so we danced it out. Me and the kiddos. Turned up the music really loud and sang along with the classics: if you're happy and you know it, she'll be comin round the mountain when she comes, baa baa black sheep(when's the last time you asked for wool), the wheels on the bus, and of course yummy yum snack time(always a reason to get excited, no?)

I feel better already:)

I also rearranged the guest bedroom. That made me feel better too. Rearranging things always does.

a little bleach and a lot of mercy.

Mercy is needed when you feel like crap.

Given and received.

Given to the husband as he cares for both little ones.

Received when said little ones are driving him nuts and you can't help because your head is in a toilet.

This week greeted us with the stomach flu. There's nothing worse than when one of your babies is sick. Except when you're sick too. Then it REALLY stinks. Thank goodness for a caring husband and a quick turnaround time. The flu was in and out in 24 hours, leaving me with the task of disinfecting our entire house in hopes that the husband and the littlest one could escape the awfulness that was mine and Logan's life for a short while(oh, but when you're in it it seems like an endless hell, doesn't it?)

So thank goodness for bleach. and thank the Lord for His mercy. That its new every morning is a much added plus, because I'm pretty sure I'd have run out of my allotment a long time ago it was rationed and never refilled.

Lamentations 3:22-24, “It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, therefore I will hope in Him.”

The sun came out today and we took to the streets in our neighborhood with the little ones for much needed fresh air.

fighting for joy.

Today has been a rainy lazy Saturday...we needed it. Time to wind down and just rest. A good day for tea and books and yoga pants.

Its only the middle of January and already I feel like this year is flying by. I can't believe Ali is 6 months and Logan is 2 1/2....how did I become this mother of two? Seems only yesterday I thought, yeah, lets have a baby. But God has been so good. The parenting struggles have been rough lately but He's here helping me in them and through them. Its been a fight for joy. Even on days like these when the joy seems so within reach, its so easily lost when I lose sight of what's important and give in to my impatience and need for control. Thank God for His mercy.

I'm continuing to fight for joy in this home. In this season of life. I know there is much joy to be had, even in the ugly and frustrating.

6 months and a trip to the salon.

My little girl got her first haircut today.

She let them wash and cut it and fuss over her, no complaints:)

She's used to getting a blow out.

The mullet is gone.

Yes, I could have left her hair and just let her be. But where's the fun in that? If she's anything like me she'll understand that.

Go potty go!

They shout over and over (all the potty animals, that is) "Go potty go!" We have high hopes that this annoying video will inspire Logan as we begin the arduous process of potty training.

Oh potty training. Many of you have walked in my shoes and know the process. Just another way for God to teach me patience with my little ones, as I say a million times a day, "gotta go potty??" And rejoice every time I see pee in a toilet and don't have to clean poop out of underwear:)

I better run and ask him again now:)

Trying to listen.

This last month has brought on an onslaught of emotion, wondering if we're moving or staying and we why moved in the first place and what the purpose was or still is in us being here. God has been so good in providing us with incredible community, a place to plant our feet and call home. Friends that love us like family-true, good, honest friendships. There are so many things we love about here...reasons to stay that seem to make sense. We have some big decisions ahead of us and are praying for clarity, but its hard. Hard to trust and wait. Trying to listen and be assured that He sees it all and knows it all, but lately I'm having a hard time knowing that deep in my heart. The words of this song seem all too appropriate for now.

Hello Lord, it's me your child
I have a few things on my mind
Right now I'm faced with big decisions
And I'm wondering if you have a minute, cuz
Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

I don't doubt your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability to
Hear what you're saying
And to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing
But right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait
And though patience has never been mine
Lord, I will wait to hear from you
Oh Lord, I'm waiting on you

Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I think you're whispering

By the by, Alice is 6 months old today. Man, does it go fast......

Hugged and reminded.

Logan is a lover. This kid has a constant need for hugs, kisses, physical contact. I LOVE this about him and it causes me to slow down and enjoy him when I would otherwise hurry through whatever activity it is we're in at the moment(still working on being less haste-full:).

Logan doesn't know a stranger, and at this stage in his life I'm okay with that. He hugs everyone and expects hugs in return. There is no insecurity, no wondering if he's loved or cared about. He often runs full force into his mom or dad's arms, knowing he'll be embraced. In his world everyone loves everyone and shouldn't have a problem showing it.

Kids have that amazing way of teaching us things about life and God that we often forget we know. I know the truth of God's word and what it says, but I often forget to apply it in the everyday. I know He loves me and will hold me always, but I admit I don't run into His arms nearly enough, I don't rest in the security and assurance of what I know.

So thankful for this little one He's given me to manage to remind me there are arms to always embrace me anytime I want.

Alice and her hair.

Alice's hair has been the topic of much discussion since her birth. Various comments included the following:

-wow that kid's got a lot of hair! (no kidding)

-you must have had horrible heartburn! (actually, yes)

-you should cut it-(seriously?)

-it looks like she stuck her finger in a light socket! (again, no kidding:)

Well it looks like the beast that is Ali's hair has finally decided to lay down and rest a bit...she's gone from deranged and shocked to subdued, flat, and a bit....shall we say toupe-ish?

yogurt haste equals yogurt waste.

We all know that things done in haste usually result in disaster. Remember that saying 'haste makes waste?' Having been one usually known to be in a hurry, you'd think I would have learned to slow down by now, but this seems to be a lesson I keep re-learning. again and again.

Logan loves yogurt. So does Kurt. So do I. Seems to be the thing we always have to have in the house when yet another food battle is lost and we need the kid to just eat SOMETHING. Today I was in a hurry, like I too often am. Grabbed the little one and Lorelei and ran out the door to get groceries while Logan was at a preschool(oh preschool, how I do love thee). Now we all know how much food costs have gone up lately and how hard it is to keep the grocery budget in check. So as I braved the aisles with the cart already pretty full due to my little ones, facing off with the other shoppers as I tried to see over the car seat to push the cart, I was diligent about what went in the basket. Only the necessities. which of course included the big tub of yogurt. We were in and out in less than 20 minutes, (thanks to my haste:) and as I threw the kids in the car and loaded up the trunk as quick as I could, it happened. The yogurt fell. Out of the trunk and onto my feet and car and all over the ground. For a second, being the frugal person I am, I thought-do I try to save it? I decided this wasn't necessary and that 2.99 would just have to be lost and it would be okay and we'd survive without it at home. I stood there and smiled-this has been one of those days where I've remembered to be thankful. So thankful I can even get groceries and have food for our family.

Now to just slow down and be less...hasteful? is that a word?